Words fail me….


….And that doesn’t often happen! Yesterday I lost my best friend, my cohort, my partner in crime. My reason to get up early in the morning. The one I kissed goodnight last before bed. He who I always cautioned “Night, night – sleep tight. If you see any bedbugs, slugs or grass snakes – holler!”

Fred came into my life at a time when I needed him most. I had just lost my Mum and was feeling similar to a ring-doughnut: seemingly complete on the outside but with a great big hole in the middle. Fred slowly ate his way through my miserable exterior and took up residence firmly in the hole in my heart. And there he stayed for the past few years.

There was a pecking order in my house – Fred, kids, Fred, husband, Fred, fish, Fred. Everyone got it. Everyone understood it.

Now there’s a hole again, and I don’t have the words to describe how I’m feeling. To those who know me, its obvious how devastated I am. To those who don’t know me so well, they are a little embarrassed by my reaction to this loss. I apologise to those I make uncomfortable.

One day, the hole will heal and I will be whole again. For now, I’m lost and the rest of the family feels that too. Kids are resilient – they’re playing badminton in the garden already. Hubby was distraught yesterday, but will recover in his ever-practical manner. I’m glad for them – moving on is healthy. But I’m not so sure about me.

Fred was my soulmate. My pride and joy. He was also my dog, a gorgeous fat black labrador. RIP Fred –
words fail me…….xx

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About pigletinapoke

I am a forty-something married mum of two, working in London and commuting a crazy amount of hours so I can enjoy living at the coast at weekends! I'm into netball, jointly coaching and running a successful ladies club. I also sail whenever I get the chance and took part in the Trans-Atlantic leg of the Clipper Round The World yacht race in 2009. I like movies, particularly stuff by Nancy Meyers in whose set designs I want to spend my life. I devour novels, biographies and anything to do with self-improvement. I like to drive fast and live slightly dangerously, attempting to experience everything and everywhere before my time is up. That's me in a nutshell - I hope you enjoy my blog. If you would like to use any of my articles or the pics, I would appreciate very much if you could ask me first. Never known to refuse to date. Thanks!

Posted on July 19, 2011, in Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 12 Comments.

  1. He sounds a wonderful friend and faithful companion. So sorry for your loss. Virtual hugs.

  2. Really sorry Sarah. Sending you a virtual hug and a rather large caiprihna to numb it all

  3. I’m so sorry to hear this. Oscar, our cat, is my best friend but we have a deal. I asked him if he would live forever and he said miaow which is cat for yes so that’s ok. Pets are amazing and have the power to cheer, heal and console. They love us unconditionally and for that we love them back the same. Remember all the love and affection Fred gave you and I hope that makes you smile through the tears. x

  4. Writing how you feel, and knowing that by doing so you are also reaching out to other people in similar situation will help fill the hole. Do the things, and be with the people you love and you’ll get through – day at a time… I know I will be in the same boat someday soon with Buffy – & I’m not lookin forward to it – feeling for you. If you ever want to join me for a walk with my limping dog you are welcome x x

  5. aw, I’m sorry, I mean I know I’m horrid about my ghastly bag of fur, but I’d miss her really and even when we go on holiday and she’s not there when we get back before collecting her, it feels really strange without her. So I know you must be feeling rotten It’s one of the reasons I didn’t want a dog, knowing how awful it is when they shuffle off to the great kennel in the sky. They break your hearts. XX

    • Ah thx – that’s so kind. Enjoy your gorgeous smelly dog – who needs a fresh-scented kitchen anyway! I’m off to bake myself better – it’s my “process”. Bigger waistline, happier heart. Until I have to diet again!!

  6. Hello, just wanted to mention, I enjoyed this blog post.

    It was funny. Keep on posting!

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