Words fail me….
….And that doesn’t often happen! Yesterday I lost my best friend, my cohort, my partner in crime. My reason to get up early in the morning. The one I kissed goodnight last before bed. He who I always cautioned “Night, night – sleep tight. If you see any bedbugs, slugs or grass snakes – holler!”
Fred came into my life at a time when I needed him most. I had just lost my Mum and was feeling similar to a ring-doughnut: seemingly complete on the outside but with a great big hole in the middle. Fred slowly ate his way through my miserable exterior and took up residence firmly in the hole in my heart. And there he stayed for the past few years.
There was a pecking order in my house – Fred, kids, Fred, husband, Fred, fish, Fred. Everyone got it. Everyone understood it.
Now there’s a hole again, and I don’t have the words to describe how I’m feeling. To those who know me, its obvious how devastated I am. To those who don’t know me so well, they are a little embarrassed by my reaction to this loss. I apologise to those I make uncomfortable.
One day, the hole will heal and I will be whole again. For now, I’m lost and the rest of the family feels that too. Kids are resilient – they’re playing badminton in the garden already. Hubby was distraught yesterday, but will recover in his ever-practical manner. I’m glad for them – moving on is healthy. But I’m not so sure about me.
Fred was my soulmate. My pride and joy. He was also my dog, a gorgeous fat black labrador. RIP Fred –
words fail me…….xx