Happiness in the House of Pig
….there was a stickiness underfoot and a Man-hog amusingly stuck by his hairy-knuckled knees to the bathroom floor. Sadly a camera was not available to record it. There is now, however, a smooth-kneed and therefore sexier Man-hog and a newly tiled floor. The phallic cactus can return to its bathside home at last. Bravo. After eight months of Man-Hog working out the perfect right angle around the bath, planning his attack and building up enough momentum to make a start, Mrs Pig is happy.
….there were children moping at the thought of October half-term week to be spent in Devon with only the adult company of their parents. Then Mrs Pig suffered some sort of brain fart and told them they could each invite a friend to come too. There was much screaming and some excited peeing which had Mrs Pig regretting the day she’d ever mentioned it. Her vision of a relaxing week away disappeared beneath a barrel-load of planned kids’ activities. Nevertheless, the Mini-Pigs are happy.
….there was the convenient disappearance of Mrs Pig’s boss for several days to play a very silly game with a tiny white ball and a long metal stick in deepest, darkest Scotland. Despite multiple drab phone calls and dull text messages giving blow-by-blow accounts of just how cringingly badly it was going and how clearly irrelevant the golf handicap system is, Mrs Pig got through the week and the double work-load she inherited without a hitch. She even managed to slot in an unexpected day working at home. The opportunity for lunch out with the Man-Hog was taken at a fabulous little local bistro and daytime adult conversation ACTUALLY took place without interruption by teenagers, localised flooding or any form of burping the theme tune to Corrie. There were guffaws of laughter, a sprinkling of suggestive smut and even the odd PDA at the table (but no tongues because he’s no Gavin Henson and this isn’t The Bachelor). Nothing short of miraculous. The Man-Hog was bewildered, slightly tearful with euphoria and a glut of womanly attention, but notwithstanding, happy.
Home is a happy place and all is right with the world.
Until the next sodding disaster….
Posted on September 30, 2011, in Uncategorized and tagged pigs; lunch; golf; kids; happiness; parents; cactus;. Bookmark the permalink. 8 Comments.