A Valentine Ditty from She Who Gets None. Ever.


Valentine’s Day, as you know from previous postings, is somewhat of a let-down in the House of Pig. The Man-Hog is a conscientious objector to the one day per year he can be openly and mushily romantic. Every year I suffer the hideousness of being Britain’s Most Unbeloved. Well, I’ve had enough. So I thought I would write my own Valentine poem for all those women who, like me, expect and get nowt!

A Pig Scorned…

Roses are red? Sent by lovers in bliss.

Sod the flowers!” Says the Man-Hog. “I’ll just give her a kiss!

But roses are pretty! “Nah, expensive and boring.

I’ll make us some chips, that’ll send her heart soaring.

Roses are romantic. “Pfsh. A total waste of money.

After all of these years, she knows she’s still my honey.

They tell her I Love You. “Such piffle! No Way!

She gets to live with me – what more can I say?

So before all those florists start counting their chickens

The Man-Hog’s determined to slim down their pickens

He won’t buy a bloom, nor a choc, nor a ring

You can’t tell him when to buy or say anything!

But the last laugh’s on me – Love’s Most Unfêted –

Off to Valentine’s dinner with one I once dated!

Suck on that, Man-Hog! Eat chips by yourself.

Next year I suggest you buy every bloom on the shelf.

(OK so I am not really going on a date with an ex but – come on! – I have to do something to shock him. It’s either this or a well-placed defibrillator.)

Poem by Pigletinapoke i.e. ME!!

Picture credit: http://www.justourpictures.com


About pigletinapoke

I am a forty-something married mum of two, working in London and commuting a crazy amount of hours so I can enjoy living at the coast at weekends! I'm into netball, jointly coaching and running a successful ladies club. I also sail whenever I get the chance and took part in the Trans-Atlantic leg of the Clipper Round The World yacht race in 2009. I like movies, particularly stuff by Nancy Meyers in whose set designs I want to spend my life. I devour novels, biographies and anything to do with self-improvement. I like to drive fast and live slightly dangerously, attempting to experience everything and everywhere before my time is up. That's me in a nutshell - I hope you enjoy my blog. If you would like to use any of my articles or the pics, I would appreciate very much if you could ask me first. Never known to refuse to date. Thanks!

Posted on February 13, 2013, in Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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